i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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