Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize