I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My balls are so social today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
