DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
