Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
