no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
