I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
