You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
