She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
