By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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