Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
