Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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