Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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