Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
