super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
