I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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