I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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