The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
