CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
