Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
