I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
