dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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