It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize