checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize