oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
