my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
