I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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