tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
