we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
