Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
