In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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