Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
