someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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