A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
