your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize