It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize