Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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