i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
there is glitter all over my balls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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