and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
