i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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