Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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