I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
