How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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