I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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