the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NoShamevember. You game?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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