Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
