So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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