Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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