I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to fling myself into the sun
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
