they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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