Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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