he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
how does that bad decision feel?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize