Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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