i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's rum buckets o'clock
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
