and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I love having hate sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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