I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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