I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And then my night got REAL pukey
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
