Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
