Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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