I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
