Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
