uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
