i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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