You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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