and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
