no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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