I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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