He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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