Taylor Swift is so right about you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
