They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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