He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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