Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
