You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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